Sinners disguised as saints.

Random day of recollection led me to this blog rant:

I find it funny how people always have something to say about being mistreated, but they were never saints themselves. Like I have to ex's that would swear til they died I did them sooo wrong. Yet lord knows if u peeked into the situation they were not saints themselves. For one Alonzo was a cheater but he swore I broke his heart and did him wrong. Like bruh I caught u with the girl and to Dick out.... you were wrong. Not to mention the time we were at to fams house and this 15 year old girl comes down and tries to front me like she grown. Real talk if u weren't fucking and or feeding into her shit she wouldn't come at me like she was yo other woman. So to him I say u so full of shit its ridiculous and you can continue to wish we could talk again. Sadly you are shit out of luck.

Now there was an ex named Rick and he thought and still thinks he did no wrong in our relationship. I'm not going to go in great detail but I will say this... You can't expect some one to help you or put up with u, if u aren't doing shit to help ur self. You were grown as hell with nothing but a sad story and excuse. Yea everyone has problems and issues bit u hold on so much u can drag others down. So when u look back and wonder why all these girls left and leave u look at the fact some of the reason may be you. I hope you have grown and gotten better. If not u will be a lonely single borderline bum for the rest of your days.

Now I can't close this blog with out putting myself on blast. I for one can be a bitch... for the most part I'm sweet, but if I feel things are going sour or against me... I will not hesitate to get in my "get you" mode. To some men I have been with I have done some not so nice things but always for a reason. So if I have treated u super bold think back to what u might have done. Simply because I don't do u dirty for no reason. You might think its no reason, but its a reason. Also cheating I'm not big on especially if I feel u are to good to lose so it has been very few I cheated on. The ones I did cheat on well u deserved it, its always tit for tat with me. You did your tit and I did the tat. Lastly I can be very indecisive and free spirited so sometimes I can switch up and leave a person in a daze. Sorry that's just me. None the less I am working on being better and I am with a man that gives me no reason to turn my sinner on. So for that I am blessed.

Till next time...

*Rae*

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9 months and counting...

He and I just made it past our 9 month mark...
Lord knows we have had our rocky moments. In all honesty he truly brings me to a point where if he said "Baby, lets go get married right now!" I would sooo totally do it. I know I am not a perfect woman but he just gives me life like no other. I know he will probably never read nor see this but the fact that its out there for him in case he ever has doubts about my love.






I know its been a nice lil min since I have done my blog, even with the app I been slacking. Lol! Not much has really been going on lately in my world. I just been hanging out with the girls and enjoying being an adult. I need to stop smoking the good greenery, but other than that no real issues. I promise from now on to really keep in touch with my blog even if none of you muthasuckas read it simply because its really not for you... Its for me. Lol! Well I have run out of things to say so I close.

Happy Holidays,
Rae!

Happy birthday dad...

So the 12th of December was my dad's birthday. I didn't cry and I actually made it quite fine through the day. My boyfriend is to sweet with his kind words on that day. Its amazing how so much has changed in the past few years. My life isn't perfect but its better than before... I wish my dad was here to see and be apart of the holidays. It's just so sad to my Aunti and Granny hold in the hurt and cry their tears when they think no one is looking. It's so painful, but imma be strong and make it past Xmas.

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I heart he!

He and I are just... I can't even find the words. He is my heart.

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cramps and vicodin

Periods suck... that is all!

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I found the app... Now lemme check u real quick

So yea I finally found the app for Blogger on my Evo. Somehow during this hiatus someone felt the need to write about what they think they know about me. Well in a polite manner let me clarify.

First of all the whole daddy and rape reference is over-the-top simply because I faced that long time ago. So please stop making that the base of your existence. Secondly after being in a relationship with you, I realized that I'm not really fond of them period. Luckily I found a man that I don't mind being tied to and we are tied quite well. Also if learned to accept responsibility and stop making others your priority you might get out of your hole. It's sad u trust any and every one with a willing ear, yet u point the insecurity word at others. So in conclusion I hope that instead of u thinking I'm oh so sad off u take a look in the mirror and chart your progression, because mine is quite steady. Futhermore I am not living in the same mindset from years ago.

Get it together!
~Rae~

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Hiatus

Don't know how to blog from my Evo yet sooo my blogs might be fewer and farther in between time.
In other news this is the mighty month of my birthday! Lets get it!
Life is at a constant pace and still I rise.

Thats all ttyl when I figure out my phone.
~Rae~

I found the words to say it best...

This song and video says it all when it comes to my view on love...






Dedicated to the one that loved me harder than any other man I know...


~*~Rae~*~

Mary...

Taught me how to put on eye liner so now I always wear it. I dunno why the memory of that woman always stands out in my mind but it does. I wish I could have one more make-up session with her a Poopah...
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Feeling real Posh

I wish yall could see the whole outfit!
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Case of the ex's : the continued part...

Ok, yall I'm back like I said I would be with the continuation of the ex's...

Juan- You were cool but the fact you always had to ask/use my shit when you came over got real old. Not to mention you liked to eat ass and that was a showstopper right there. So if your wondering why we didn't work out over all it was because you ate ass and was a know it all that knew nothing. Lol!

Paris- I thought you were gay when I met you, I still think you are gay. You were/are a user and not really boyfriend material for a girl. *refer back to first line* I mean a big dick and the ability to make me laugh only got you but so far... Because when the "wooing" had worn off I saw a really catty ass man.

Till I add more to the list this here is the end... Lol!

~*RAE*~

Anniversary

The 18 marked the 6th month anniversary of my Boyfriend and I! My babe took me out to the movies and dinner... To bad I couldn't stay with him much longer after to have sum extra fun. I had to head home cuz I was feeling sick. I think some one gave me their sick germs. Overall it was a lovely day and I pray we make it through many more days! The rest of my bf rant will be continued next blog... I think. Lol! Anywho goodnight and holla!

*Rae*
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The life process... The Ex effect.

So... I didn't plan on doing another blog, but the words just struck me this morning. So as I am driving on my way to school after dropping my bf off at school, I get to thinking about the things that has happened as of late. Normally I am a person that holds on to things especially matters of the heart. Oddly this time I let it go like all the way go. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would have a persons name on me, nor did I think I would be getting it erased so easily. The even funnier part is the fact that I erased the person just as quickly as I erased the tattoo. In all honesty its so funny how when I sit back and look at some of my relationships I have so many emotional tattoos and they seemingly couldn't be erased until now. So since I have a good hour to just blog it out I will.

This is my small Ode to the Ex's...

Aljamor- You were my first everything and I will always have love for you, not the kind you may want me to have but its still love. You pulled me through hell and back, taught me so much about myself and life... I thank you for that! All in all we are still cool. I guess you can say we made it through the process a polished individuals.

Alonzo- Honey... Where does one start with you? I was the best you ever had and you were the worst I ever came across. Sorry to say you just sucked at life overall. I'm glad I got the fuck on from you!

Brandon- Babe you were older and thought that because of that you had the right to control and condemn. Hmmm... I don't miss much about you besides the dates and the sex. I'm glad we lost contact cuz you surely were trying to knock a chick up... So not cool!

Bolo- Never trust a hood nigga! When you are at school/work he will rob you blind. Thanks for making my attraction to the thugs a thing of a very distant past.

Namon- You were a good man, but you had a very doubtful mind. You underestimated me and you had no faith in my possibilities. When I not only showed and proved that I was divine, you felt I was too high-strung and independent after I had done what you set forth as a plan. Also you felt that your career was number one over our happiness as a couple, which only made me stray farther from you. Sorry things didn't work out and sorry I ever put so much faith in you. Hell even nice guy ain't shit sometimes.

Rick- You were such a sweet guy, but the downside to that was you were the victim of everything. Your downtrodden spirit was a breeding ground for disaster. It was only so much sad shit I could take between us and as time progressed I realized you weren't the one for me what so ever. I'm sorry I strung you along and made you feel/become even more of a sad person. It just wasn't there any more if ever, I think the fact I wanted to help you clouded my view of reality. All in all I had to cut you before you darkness took over and set me back more than what our relationship had set me back to. I hope you get things together and become great.

To be continued...

New tatt

So there has been yet another transformation and another tatt! Its funny how on this journey called life there are so many people that have walked in and out of my life, as well as the fact so much has changed about me its ridiculous! All in all the Namon/No Man tat is gone and so is he. In his place is a new sense of self, so to everyone reading this... Don't give up because life is always good when u are progressing even when things are bad! With that I close this short blog with the best quote I have heard this year!

Let's have a toast for douche bags! - Kanye West

And I'm out!

*Rae*


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Quick lil updater

So... School has started and so far so good. One thing I hate is the parking, like man with lots A-G full you mean to tell me everybody got a damn car!!! Hmm at that shit! Oh I have also been doing some more of my poetry and even did a couple shows... YAY me!

In other news... My babe got a job! I'm so proud of him cuz now he has school and a job on his lil life belt! Not to mention we are going on 6 months as of Sept 18... This is monumental for me because since a particular person and I broke up no one has been able to keep me for longer than a month or 2.

Lastly, I am surprised at how much more focused I am about everything I truly feel like this is my come up and it feels even better seeing those that had so much to say about me still in my dust! So to anyone out there going thru the struggles just keep on thru and you will have the race!

*Soul Rae*

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Nothing good can come from this...

Hello blog world it has been a while...
Things have been a constant whirlwind...
I have a car and all that flyy shit, but with the car came the extra burden of being a taxi to some. Also it has me going and doing more around the city which has warranted me a few extra dollars in my life.
Sadly, I am no longer the lavish spoiled gurl so all my money goes for the more important things like : GAS, GAS, school, food and more GAS. Now the gas thing I don't mind, but hell this lil money I get can be used on me getting the fuck out of this house. I know some of you are a lil lost, but lemme explain... I own the house I live in and I hate the people I live with... sometimes.

As of late I have just been completely pissed with the fact I am hardly home because of the people in my house. Frankly, I feel like a refugee in my own damn home. I have no peace and I can't even come home to eat the groceries I buy for the fact they are eaten with in the week of them being bought.
So you ask why I even buy groceries?... Well I keep making myself believe that some how I can hide my stuff and it will be there when I want it.
Ha!
Such Delusions of Grandeur!
Not to mention when I want to come home and be left alone I get folks trying to talk and ask me shit... Like "Damn I came home to get away from the demands not catch more!" Well to bad so sad I just gotta deal with it.

Man, Its just so much going on in my life right now I dunno whether to laugh or cry and I'm just so tired!
Hell nothing more to say so I sign off...

*Rae*

Monumental!

Hey blog world!

I know I said I would write more so here is a quick update!!
I got my L's, so ya gurl just be whipping around town! Also my school thing is still in progress! I am in good health and becoming the woman I wanted to become... I am happy and blessed , I hope all of u are the same!

*Rae*
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Long hair

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Updates

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Things are looking up...

2008 Dodge Caliber...

Eastern in the fall...

New look on life...

Great Fam, Friends, and Bf!

So far so good!
I hope I will have the time to get some more blogs out but if I don't know I love yall and ya gurl is on a productive path...

~Soul Rae~

Un thinkable

I'm ready...



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He excites cerebral orgasms with mere conversation. With the thought of his touch, my heart quickens to a pace to rival an olympic sprinter. Never have I felt a love this strong... Its make my ancestors weep for joy and elation to the fact that true love still exists. Its crazy cuz at any given moment he could snatch my last breath with a kiss. No words could truly express how great his love is! His life energy could command the greatest of Armies. I love this great man simply because all of his greatness comes the struggle and strife that polished him into the great man he is and not the material wealth the world has presented him with...
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Man...

So I'm sitting here taking a lovely release due to the detox regimen I'm on. All the while a mix of Tupac and Biggie play to keep my mind form being bored. I'm thinking about this whole love thing between the Navy man and I. I just wish he wasn't so far away, but I keep reminding myself that there is something greater between us and that thought alone is enough to keep me going... I love him soo damned much it fucking hurts. I swear I haven't felt this way since Aljamor. Like real talk yall might just see his name literally across my heart very soon. Like shit he got me! Even if we aren't together I won't even regret that mark.

Well Imma finish this later cuz I'm being summoned.

Holla

Rae

Love and things like it... The man I got a second chance with.

Ok I know its been a bold lil minute since I have updated my blog, but there is good reason. Unlike my last blog there is only one man and I feel this is it. Everyone has been let go, hell even Rick can't even set his eyes to look this way. Simply because this man has given me more than any mas has or will.

So yes I finally got a good guy no frills no bangs just a good and good looking man. Lol! He brings me out of the slump the last major bf put me in and give me the structure I need not only in a relationship but in life. I have loved him for awhile but so much was in the way. Now that the air is clear, I think I have been blessed with a man I would actually marry.

Well other than that I have been busting my buns to save as well as get a job. If all goes well with Eastern Michigan I hope to be there as well. Lol! Man I got big moves and they need to be done no more comfort days now its time to step out and be a true independent woman. I have let all the baggage go! Now its time to love, live and get shit done!
Till next time...
*Rae*
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I wasn't done but ok...

Well yea after that my buns traipsed off to school. Then I took my as home while talking to Mr. Sexy. I get home only to still be talking to him like wtf you got a girl and trying to wife my hefty sexy ass... Hmmm well I will hit yall back after this day is over to inform yall on the goings on of today.
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Cuz he like her....

So I been sick and busy with the whole school so I haven't been on the blog lately.

So lemme see what I can remember.... Ok well on monday I stayed my ass at home. On tuesday my two home gurls and I went to jazz and open mic night at Niki's Lounge... Which led to me getting tipsy enough to gain the courage to sing.... *oh lawd!* Which turned out well and I mean really well. So what I don't remember the words I still remember the good parts... Lol!

After we left there we had to crash at my house...cuz it was like 4 and we negroes had class. Lol! Then on wends I went to class and came home. I thought I was going to just chill since I had to go to class on thurs.... NOT! I somehow ended up at Motorcity Casino and at a new character to my life Mr. Sexy's house and still ain't get home till 4 on that day. Somehow I got up on time for class on thurs but was still late cuz my ass is just slow as hell. But... I did get there on time for me to take my math test and talk to the teacher. * I got a 90 on the test by the way. Yay me!* After I left math I went to the movies to see The Crazies... That movie made my damn nerves bad and was on edge the whole rest of the day. Then I called my self going with Keen the Bean to Walmart which in turn made me late for class cuz of this pregnant Arabic lady didn't know English or the pin number to her bridge card. I was mad at first then I thought about how she may feel... I mean the cashier was some ignorant ass chick and didn't even try to help her the right way. Its a shame I can't get a job but they give jobs to those that aiint shit as people.
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Spill my soul

Man so much has happened yet again. Me and my Chocolate Redemption are no longer an item but that's not what hurts the most. Its the fact he was my nigga and now we act like we don't even know each other. Funniest thing of it all is the fact that I'm not even sick over the situation... Hell I'm just like I can get another man no problem. I just don't want one right now! I mean school and other such activities can now keep me occupied instead of being laid up with a dude.

On to the next topic.... Today is the day I start back on my gym shyt cuz this summer is the summer of sexy. I got madd things in store for this year. I mean I'm 21 and I get to enjoy all types of new things and new places! Outside of the previous all is well in my world... So imma let that marinate and be out! Lol!

*Rae*
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R.I.P Deva Rae

I am trying so hard to not be hurt about the fact my mother had let another one of my animal go in the book of death. Except this time it broke something in me. It finally made me realize that everything that I have ever loved has been killed, down talked or taken away from me by her. I want so badly to come home and see my Deva or Neno there to greet me as I have grown accustomed to, but I see that will never happen nor will I have peace of mind with her in the house with me. As much as I am afraid of being alone because of the past break ins I am even more afraid of what may happen to if I continue to stay there in that house with her.

Why did it have to happen like this?

Day ! black history month

Well its the first day of our Black History month... Let us not go with the typical Black History figures lets embrace some new old faces and even some new faces. Even though there is so much to be ashamed of in the black community there is also a lotto be proud of.

So people lets celebrate the lives that were truly overlooked as well as those that will soon make history.

~Rae~

Feeling my self

Good morning my lovely blog world!

I'm up on the way to class feeling my self like WOW! Lol! I know I been lax on the blog tip, but I be busy! So here is a catch up session:

Me and Chocolate Redemption are still a couple! Yea I'm loving it! I changed my number for like the 3rd time since I had my BB. Oh well folks need to stop being ignorant and ass holes! Ummm school is still in my life and taking it over! Oh I spent some time with the other side of the fam and had mad fun! Shyt I had more but the niggas on the bus threw me off so imma come back when I remember. Lol!

*RaE*
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All I do...

Wassup Blog world! Its another day of week one of school. I am going strong with this so far I just hope I can make it through the rest of the semester.... Man my classes are no hoe for them to be damn music classes and such, and I got a English paper that might just be due today! Shit!

Hell I know its been very minimal interaction with my fb and other net outlets but my life is school and sleep! I wake up at about 5-6... get dressed and ready.... Then make the long ass commute to school. Its draining but its worth it(or so I tell myself). All in all my life is mad hectic but a whole lot less drama.

Well I'm done spilling for today, I think. Peace, Love and blessing from your fave soul child!

*Rae*
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First day of living out dreams.

Wassup yall! I'm up and on the way to class in the cold, but I'm cute and happy so fuck the snow. Lol!

Today is my first day back in school as well as the first day of me working towards my dream. Lucky me for being able to do the things I can as well as having the things I want and need in life! There are people in the world that have it hard as shit and often times we as people take the stuff we have for granted.

So today my people live, love and appreciate!

*Rae*
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New Feelings...

Hello loverly people in blog world! I know it has been a while since I dropped some thought but ya gurl has been getting her shit togetha! Lol! I'm excited to have started school as well as being in school for something that I want to do. Its just new feelings all around! Yea I know I have had some rocky moments but everything is falling into place(except for this cold I seem to be catching). I am truly blessed to have come across most of the people in my world and even those that are not. All in all I like where my life is and I hope for it to move forward just as great!

Now on to the next topic of convo! My Chocolate Drop is home! Yay! So if I'm a lil lax on the blogs again its cuz he is emotionally needy and probably hid my phone. Lol!

Next up I wanna give a shout out to my dope earring supplier, Adoara! Hey gurl you keep my ears fly! Also a shout out to my new buddy Sunni (yea that's what I call you) a.k.a Sunshine! How yew dewin'?!?! Also I wanna a give a big love and shout out to the city that I love to hate.... Detroit, for giving me that feeling every morning as well as making me who I am today and allowing me to come across some great people and learning experiences.

Anywho I'm off to fight this developing cold! Toodles!

*Rae*
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Good morning blog world!

I'm sure u all aren't wondering why I'm up, but I am! Well imma tell both of us. Cuz as I'm sitting in the car listening to Invented Sex remix on a sunday on the way to church of all places! Now anyone that knows me knows I don't do church for the simple fact I feel its a ploy but none the less... I'm going. Now don't get me wrong I love my family but they have drained all of my energy and patience! I am soo beyond ready to go home and be back in my world. Man I'm trying to keep my attitude in check but if one more thing come cross me wrong imma snap!
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My New Year Revelations...

So my whole concept of New Years was to stay at home and sleep. Sadly that plan ain't happen like I thought... Lmao! Somehow I end up at my cousins house all the way in Buttfuck, Michigan. So on the way there my cousin and brother are all questioning me on what type of drinker/partyer I am... Which is madd comical based on the actions displayed that night.

All in all my family is just a lil touched when they drink. Personally they might not get me to hang again cuz they don't know how to have fun. Lol!

The real juicy part is the emotional family pow wow that I always seem to get my self into... Like really?!?! Why are we even talking about this shit, but I guess it was needed in a sense. Its odd to think that my sister thinks I don't like her. That couldn't be further than the truth its just at some point I admired her but now that I'm older I realize I like my world better. I mean to wrap it up my new years was cool but drama filled and that type shit drains the shit out of me.

Well I'll be home tomorrow back to my queendom and my soulful solstice! Holla at y'all later!

*Rae*
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