Fame!!!

I saw the movie Fame this weekend with moms!
It was effing great, I realized that I myself was not living my dreams.
So I put in a plan of action to pursue my wants needs and desires with no inhibitions...
So you are now looking at the newly come out of the closet...Performing Arts Major!!!!!!!
Other than that life is just that.
Nothing more nothing less.
When I get more to say I will!

Ready or not here I go...

Woke up today feeling kinda funny.
Like I went to pee like 20 times in an hour...WTF!
Anywho... I'm still in my Fugee state of mind doing my thang.
So here is my current theme song....





And I'm out!!!

Changes...

So...Today I went to church.
I actually enjoyed it and found it very refreshing.
It just spoke to me and about me in so many ways it was just amazing. The fact that must go through darkness to really appreciate the light. I now see where my darkness was and why my light is shining better than ever. So to all those that feel that they can continue to bring darkness back into my light you have another thing coming. Simply because my change is constant and I am covered in love and blessings.
May God Bless you and and your dark thoughts.

Lastly... I am me and remain so till the end of time, so while you just catching up to where you should have already been. I have been there and done that. That's why your behind me and not in front not in the literal, but in the quantum physics of things.

~Rae~

No one will...

Hello world...
I'm sitting here with the future and he looks so peaceful as he sleeps. As much as we argue and fight it all seems worth it when I wake up to him holding me close using my chest as a pillow. Or when he wakes up before me and wakes me in the most amusing and gratifying ways. See I am realizing I don't want all the bells and whistles I just want some one mellow and cheerful. That not only respects my retarded ways but tries to understand them even if he won't conform to them.
I am learning that not to many will, thus No one will.

All in all today was a good day...Lmao!
Mookie dropped a bomb on my world and Rick sorta tried to pull some bull, but all in all things were great. I mean I could elaborate but for what? Cause quite frankly there is nothing he can say to me, since he believes lying is the way to go when it comes to me. Lol... Ex's be a trip especially those who feel like now that we are separate they can tell only half the story...

Well I'm off here cuz he is placing sweet kisses on my shoulder to alert me of his displeasure with addiction to my electronics...

Blessings to all even those whom I am at ends with.
~Soul Amazing Rae~

To whom it may concern...

Well I'mma put some things out there for the world to see.
First and foremost I am no groupie so I keeps it moving, so for there to be shots in the dark taken about the past it is not welcomed at all. Also the hostility towards me isn't even necessary cuz, Honey, I am over it. So just come to terms that since we... no you can't be cordial then just sever ties and let life...Live.

Soo on that note I will continue to bump my Cudi tunes and smile, cuz I am happy at the mercy of my own hands.

Damn... For real I guess

So it seems you can't even be nice to people these days like wtf!
All I did was ask genuinely how you doing only to get a barrage of cuss words from out of your mouth, and to think I walked out of football lessons from the hubby to at least show I care...Hmm.
Well anywho today was a bomb ass good day. No drama just love and peace...and some more love!
School is going well and plans are falling into place everything is great.
Wat else is there to say?!?!?

Today was madd cool

Not much to say had fun today!
Di and I had a cool ass day. Its the first I had in a long time.
Oh and shouts out to Mrs. Aj Ray... Lmao! You had me rolling thru the VMA's wish we didn't interact on such awkward terms but you a cool chick all in all!

Lastly Zo and I are back in the relationship game hope it goes well!

Welp good morn and I will holla when I get to class!

no essay...

So yesterday I just posted past poems in place of new word feelings.
On the inside I'm just not well.... Sadness engulfs but my joy should be back soon...

Confessions of a fat girl...

I want to look like less so you can love me more...

Be more than the girl you fuck at nite, you know ya personal fat whore...

I wonder if i was skinny would you show me off like a brand new Benz, when you got ya income tax ends...

I wish you were there when i cry my butter tears from my years of overdosing on my favorite white girl...Sara Lee.

See I confess i want to be her the girl that weighs less that 210...

The girl that holds all your affection... With her size 2's and salads.

I feel as though if i sang you a million ballads you still wouldn't love me cuz of my bad eating habits.
I love You more than she ever will !!

I'm a big girl with big love and just because I'm fat, I can't be sent from above?...

I love you fool and by all means I am fat....So if i were skinny would you love me back... these things i confess i break my back and a sweat to give you my best.

So Imma get on this Diet and do it for us, cuz i wanna be the object of your affection and no longer your lust.

just be

As i sit in my classroom
thinking of these days of gloom
wonder wat i have in store
simply for my life i want more

I sit and dream my life away
Parties, fun and foolish love
Young and gifted i hope to stay
But soon i move on and fly with doves

My hopes , my dreams all things in between
I hope to find my love supreme
i am so young but feel so old
so it seem with men my heart grows cold.

a new found love i truly hope to attain so know that when i find it, it will be held dear on a precious chain

..... the mistress

I don't know what we are...but I know we are fucking.

I don't know what we are doing to your child's mother....But its hurting her.

I cant explain the feelings between us ....but its not love.

I often wonder what is the purpose of this affair...but it seems like it never had one.

I see the pain in the words she writes about....but i can only continue to lie for you for so long.

The one thing i am sure of is...that we can no longer continue this tainted love affair.

I can no longer be the other woman.....simply becuz i am my own woman.

So my suggestion to you is....Go home to your family and let what we had go.

Mental torture

I cant wait to feel the warm rush of feelings you get the one you love gets within miles of you, let alone inches.

I cant wait till i see you and i know you the one without any word or movement, i just know.

I cant wait till you come to me and shower me with all the love our bodies cant stand till we collapse from the power of our love combined.

I cant wait till i can give all this love thats been heavy on my heart that its almost a burden.

I cant wait till you discover all the feelings that i kept hidden from others because it so powerful , yet so delicate that it would take only a real love to understand and nurture.

I cant wait!
I wont wait!
I DONT WANNA WAIT!

I cant wait till we are Us with no spaces in between our mental, spiritual, and physical love.

I cant wait till you right my wrongs...answer my questions...give me closure on life and love in this world cause you are all i need and want.

I cant wait to give this give between these chocolate, caramel thighs.

I cant wait to see your eyes light up when you discover your special surprise and return the gratitude till sunrise.

I cant wait to praise the Heavens above because God sent me a gift so beautiful that it brings diamond tears to my eyes.

I cant wait!
I cant wait!
I wont wait!
I DONT WANNA WAIT!

I cant wait till you are hold me and we realize that forever is only seconds and eternity is just tomorrow in this love we have, cause eternity and forever is to short for our kind of love.

I cant wait till we are holding each other like its the last time even though we know its not.

I cant wait till our love to others is as true and complex as quantum physics.

I cant wait till i find you cause the only thing missing in my blessed life is you.

I cant wait!
i wont wait!
I DONT WANNA WAIT!

The ultimate depression

I sit.....
Here.....
wondering why its so hard for me to wake up in the morning.
The thoughts of failure constantly swim in my head...
...along with the fact that if i don't win all i fought for over the years will mean nothing.....
As I lie here.....
Crying....
...Trying to get over the pain others caused me ....
slowly causing the line between normalcy and insanity slip away....
...Into a pool of sex and lies to pacify the heres and nows, the pains of whys and why didn't you love me like a
mother....father...
lover....Shit!!!
Like a person who loves me!!!
...So i continue to lay here hoping to drown in my ocean of tears...
slowly... drifting in to the pain that Amy Winehouse lets ooze out of her voice and into my house only to let me succumb to the darkness my life has grown accustomed to in the past few years.....
I can only wish and dream for a lifesaver in this sorrow of mine only to realize this is reality and no one can save you from yourself and all you know.....
So i continue to lie my self to you and other believe i have my shyt together when all i know is slowly falling apart and has loudly crumbled at my feet...
I will never admit i am in this ultimate depression....cuz almost in definite succession you will see me eating my painful slice of the devils pie.....why!!!!
... Cuz all i know i pain and tears of constant sins displayed and played on my head, heart and womb....slipping me in to the further painful life doom.....Thats is my ultimate depression and my untimely life nearing death of my soul and joy......

as short as my last relationship...

We are so many things.....
You loved me so called most of all beings...
We argue over little things....
Where are we going in this relationship?
Down hill or so it seems....
I love you much, you love me more.....
But you nag me so much even when im just going to the store....
So we argue and argue, but got no where....
I said i was tired and you gave a blank stare....
On that note i ended it so calm, but in your eyes it seemed i dropped a large bomb....
I said we should love but not quite like this cuz this relationship is just not our eternal bliss...

Minstrel Show Ho'

My tears drain the joy from my soul leaving an empty shell, from which carries aborted love children out of my body and into the sea of painful reality...

My ears are filled with trickery music only hear by the lonely at heart...wishing for a solution to light their painful dark....

I am striving to be more than just a character in this minstrel show called life i seem to want to be the star..knowing the pain she goes through is so much less than mine...

As the lights shine and the camera starts i let it look in to my eyes and tell the story of me through my lies....
I dance around the issues that cloud my mind making you all laugh at my niggerish buffoonery....and shuck and jive to keep this unpleasant crowd alive...

I am now your minstrel show hoe....

Fucking the beat and backdrops licking the sweet syrup from the toe tops of the audience to please and appease a never settled crowd...

I am a foolishly loud ad, foolish becuz that who i am all you expect from me....

The minstrel show hoe....

So it seems i am no good for anything but entertaining rock hard penises and cherry tinted lips all with a simple sway of my hips....

But... soon I, the minstrel show hoe, must go on to a place of rest past all you oppressive eyes and lie in the shallow grave dug for all your minstrel show legends....

Who Deserved more of what you never gave.

in responce to lavish...

Tears streamed down my eyes... I held in all my emotions of that day and it all came out in the time span I read his words. No words just silence as I retreat in to my shell of darkness...
Thanks for remembering and mom says she still likes you.

Darkness falls...
I'm out.

Damn I really need some damn weed.

Damn R.i.P Jalaine

So I just left my aunty's house happy as hell to be home cuz after the shyt that happened this weekend hell! Plus I'm glad I didn't see him...Nothing but bad would have come of it. Man like so everything was bad cuz the 5th was the one year anniversary of my fathers death and all types of sadness was engulfing the house. My brother started drinking and Granny was kinda down. Things just weren't what they used to be. Then today my twin does the dumbest shyt ever because of a damn boi I mean really the police and my family all involved nothing good came of it. An to think I was going to come home and blog about a good day...That shyt aint happen fuck it oh well.

All in all fuck it...
Plus all the Ex's that live near my aunty I'm sure its abut 3 now.
I'm out!



P.s. Damn I need some weed!

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the beat...

Today is the day of break!
Yay !
So... today is a day of just chilling and homework... Great!
Man if y'all only knew how focused I really am in comparison to last semester you would be madd proud. It just feels good to be back on track and making my family and self proud again. In all honesty it just feels good to be back to my sister soul self, cuz she has been pushed back to please others. Well now we are back in unison and Sista Soul is not going anywhere!
Anywho... got stuff to do and sleep to get I'll add more later.

Pay day and broke day... All about out look.

You can't blame anyone but yourself for your fuck ups!!

Now that I have said that here are some kind words we all need to hear at some point.
People often want to find a person to blame for their short comings. I am as guilty of this as anyone else, but we must at times take a step back and look at how we coulda played the situation better. If we couldn't then it was beyond our control.
At times people feel like blaming some one else is the thing to make them feel better....Not! Its all b.s.! I feel like this if you fuck up take responsibility for that and keep on pushing period. The same thing goes for moods and feelings. I understand we as human work on vibrations, but one must learn to operate on a higher frequency thus building your self higher. Make the most of a bad situation and think that somewhere down the line its not even going to be as bad as it was or is at that time. Especially if you are aiming to change it!

I know this is a short blog, but this Queen has class to go to...Lol!

All in all everyone be blessed, strive for the best and remember Ain't no half stepping!




Peace!

Ellez!

The power in femininity ...

Today I woke up feeling real spiritual...
I wanted to wake up and just embrace my womanhood full throttle. You know do something different, make the radiance within shine brighter than the sun. Amaze men with my allure and make other women proud of not just me; at the fact they, too are women.
Just totally embrace me!

Ever since the I realized that I am my own love experience, it seems as though other things just aren't so hard to do. Even the concept of being single is a great thing in my eyes. I notice that I am getting a lot more accomplished alone than if I were with someone else. In my opinion I feel like why even try to be with some one if you aren't together with your self or at least almost together with yourself. Are you that selfish that you must involve some one else in your short comings?
All in all being single isn't all that bad when you realize that you still have remodeling within yourself to do. Lol!

Here's a song for y'all and I'm out!