Friends the company we keep (Repost)

Thinking of the friends we have or better yet the company we keep...
What do you see?
Sometimes they are the very people we despise and aspire to never become.
Its sad the company we keep can often go sour like milk thats been kept too long.
The foul odor is sickly, strong, and only then do we realize that friendship has gone on too long.
There is always a red flag but with tinted glasses called familiarity we never see it.
So this is to the friends that have over stayed the welcome or those who's friends have over extended the warranty.
Its a wake up call to let those who we are holding back or being held back to let the fuck go.
Nothing you can do will keep a person that doesn't wanna be kept.
Shyt if you don't wanna be kept then get the fuck on and mean it.
There is no one holding you back from your life but yourself...
Take a look at your life are you the company that doesn't wanna be kept or are you keeping the company?
If so why are you doing so?
Is the desperation in your life that strong that one must make outrageous and outlandish episodes?
If the person you are doing this for is perpetuating it they are just as guilty and shiftless as you are?
I mean really life is about growing and doing more not living for the next man... Maybe thats why its called your life!
So to the company I keep, I say let live and let go, and if you can't accept change than get the hell out of my company!

As soon as...

As soon as I post how I feel about this man for the whole world to see. My heart is trampled and the fact I left this space open and vunerable... to him, his crew, and his family fucks me up.
Yes I refer to that "A" Girl as a bitch... So what! At the end of the day I see that no matter how much you think you know someone they truly never are who you think they are. I mean I opened up soooo much to him. He was the first man I encountered since I was attacked. I truly loved him but for him to lie and say certain things and time again me find out those lies... makes me wanna make his life hell.

I'm not going to do that, but I am going to walk out of this here situation as though this never happened and bury this pain here deep inside to serve as a lesson to be a lil tougher next time.


~*~I will never lose my divinity for a man, but I will gain higher power and knowledge with a true king by my side.~*~

SoulAmazing Rae

Am I over it? Pretty wings

WOW!
I truly am not over this... him... we.
I don't want us to be us, but its killing me every time I see him speak of another... knowing that he is the only love I have/ want as of now.
It's just I don't wanna be with anyone right now and he has to have room to sow the seeds needed to make it out of his darkness. I mean really just reading his blogs about all these other new people that he confides in. Seeing that I am no where to be found hurts me to no end, and that in turn only pushes me further in to my own issues and out of his life portrait.
But if a girl captures his heart and she is the one who am I to stop his true love. I just know that every time I look at my leg and he looks at his arm, we won't be forgotten.
This is honestly the first time I have ever cried writing a blog. Knowing that he and I are truly coming to an end all simply because he is getting over me and I am truly not over him....

~*~
Pretty Wings

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day they'll be no remnants
No trace, No residual
Feelings within ya
One day u won't remember me

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love ya
I hope you feel the same
You play me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription
Found a remedy
I had to set you free

Away from me
To see clearly the way that
Love can be
When you are not with me
I had to leave
I had to live
I had to leave
I had to live

(If I can't have you let love set you free)
(To fly your pretty wings around)

Pretty wings, your
Pretty wings Your
Pretty wings, pretty wings around...

I'm late as hell but this is my shyt!

No words!

My music...

Wow!
Totally throws me on how I put niggas on music and they like naw that shyt weak, but as soon as I'm tired of it they on the proverbial dick of the artist and such.

Well here is my list of music I been on before niggas thought they were hot...
1. Charles Hamilton (Now I hate him...Thank you, Rick!)
2. Drake (I was hoping he had a rap career since he spit on Degrassi. )
3. Kid Cudi ( I was putting niggas in and from Cleveland on that nig.)
4. Cool Kids ( I'm mikey...I rock! Duh!!!)
5. Wale (With the exception to those in DMV area)

Hmm some others I was putting niggas on and will be puttin' folks on...

6. Raheem DeVaughn ( Had the nigga mixtape features and such before I even got the cds)
7. Noel Gourdin( Man just gotta pay that man a Listen)
8. Ledisi ( jazz teacher...So we should been on her)
9. Little Brother ( Classic Hip hop...Straight Schooling Niggas!)
10. Blu (&Exile) (Soul Amazing)
11.Dwele (Before flashing lights)
12. 88 keys (Stay up!)

Well now thats off my chest I can jam my way to bed!

Laterz!

~*~ ElLeZ~*~

The Irony of life

As I sit here in the wee hours of the nite, reflecting on the things that go on in my life. I think about all the people that seem to never understand or appreciate life.
Honestly, why is it that alot of young people are so stressed and want a way out of life when its their fault they are in the pick, in the first place. Like "Dude you can't get mad at anyone but yourself for your situations!!" I see so many people saying its another persons fault they feel and do certain things and really its not its your own. Now don't get me worng even I at times fall into the situation. Really we must learn that the only way we can blame anyone but ourselves for a situation is if one withheld the information from you; even still it is simply not an excuse. We must hunger and thirst for the information and keys to life, not just take what we are handed. We should question the world and seek the correct answers and never settle for less than we are worth. We must also remember the reationships we have are practice for us later on in life so learning to deal with different people and situations, with grace and tact are a must.

Surely no one is perfect; many ass holes and broads tend to think they are or pretty damn close. Well news flash even the people that have the money and the ability to go shopping whenever they choose have fucked up lives they just choose to to deal with it in a more subconsciously destructive manner.
Last but not least never feel jealous or say anyone is jealous of you unless they truly are... because at the end of the day you never know maybe you were being an ass and they didn't like what you were doing, by you not being able to pull your head out of your fantasy life you couldn't tell so your only logical excuse was to pull the jealous card.
But maybe just maybe they aren't jealous but a tad bit disapproving of the things you do, and surely in a million years would want to live in your dark, dismal and tainted world.

Juno and other things that make me cry

So...
I was sitting up watching juno, and it brought back a memory that made me feel ever so sad. I remember a time when Rick and I had this thing for having a child and where so hurt when we found out I wasn't pregnant. Little does he know that the situation hurt me more than I cared to share at the time. The fact that he is going thru hell hurts me to no end, but I can't show him that. I mean really there are some aspects of our relationship that I'm not feeling anymore, but the love is there. Truly I do feel as though I bailed on him but honestly I never knew his world would come crashing down as I walked out the door.

~*~

To see his blogs and understand the pain he is going through is truly something I can't stomach to well. Its like I want to be so close to him, but so far so I won't get hurt. Like honestly I let this man into my heart and my life despite the issues we have, along with the problems his peeps have with me. He and I are at ends a lot but somehow have this crazy bond that keeps us in arms reach of each other. He will always be my best friend and honestly one of my one true loves. Its just I have a hard time with letting my self love and heal. Which is why I continue to push people away. There is a lot of things I keep in and chose to not deal with or talk about, which is madd unhealthy but nun the less a vice I must deal with.

~*~

Even today I have to live with the regret of yesterday.
There is no way for me to take back the foul words I have said to those I love... No way to avenge revenge on the ones I don't care for. There is just a feeling of revelation in the air that makes me think and feel different towards life in general.

~*~ Ellez~*~

He and I

Well I'mma keep it short! He and I are just this... Painful Love...
Joy and Pain

Soo I learned something new...

I'm just getting back from HIS house with one major thought on my mind. He and I will never be we again. I mean these past few days were half way cool becuz of the Chocolate Drop Crew, but the attitudes from people such as Egan and his peeps left me very unsetted. I mean very unfucking settled plus the fight we had ain't make it no better. So Rick if your reading this...We won't be talking for awhile.... Long While!
What I don't seem to understand is this why i continue to reach out when things about this situation keep telling me to say fuck it and let go. Well I finally got the hint and bowed out gracefully. No matter what you or anyone says, I am not comfortable with your family and friend shooting me dirty looks, and speaking badly about me. Also for them to only think on your side of the fence and never take in the whole situation is bullshit and childish.
Its crazy that everyone wants me to be the great girlfriend for the man who can't be the great man for himself. Honestly if the shoe was on the other foot I woulde be all types of lazy, trifling, childish, bitches but because its you I'm supposed to just lay down and take it.
No!
So before you try your lil sorry game on another girl, I would hope you will have your shyt together and make sure she is a fool while your at it.

I want to rip that tattoo off his arm!!!!!!

Well the title says it all, and since I don't have nails on I can type away!!!
(Yay Me!)
Anywho... It seems that I love and hate this man, and I never thought I could feel this way about a person ever. Its like coming from him I am the big evil bitch that makes or has been making his life hell along with the other issues he has. Well since this is my blog I'm going to say how the fuck I feel. I mean its not like anyone actually reads my shyt anyways. So I'm sitting here thinking after a message from someone asking will Rick and I ever get back together...Lol! In my mind I say no not at this point cuz he discusses to much of "us" with others and not me. Sorry to say I'm not going to stick around for you to talk bad about me, then for us to make up and look like a bitch to all you told about me when we weren't talking...FOOL!

Also I am learning to not give a hoot about what he is doing, like at first I used to care and such but since that lil sleep over and the stunts he pulled. Babe I will gladly hand you over to what ever flemale you want cuz clearly you and I don't mix. At least not as a relationship! Come to think of it you don't even want a damn friendship cuz even us chilling turns into you making hints about how much you hate we aren't together. Maybe if you let life and nature take its course things would look up... Just saying!

On another note...
I have been enjoying my life and the people in it...(especially the new ones)
I mean I still don't want a relationship, but there are some dudes in my life that seem to be working on changing that. Well all I can tell them is keep working! Lol!
Also I think i have found what I want to do for a career, and Majorly excited about tomorrow!

Well enuff of my pointless rambling I'm off to bed and possibly cake on the phone!
Laterz!

~ElleZ~

Amazing

Today was a good ass day!!!!
I hung out with my buddy Keenan and just chilled on some "the rest of the world don't matter type shyt." He and I talked about so much shyt thats been going on in my mind and world. I mean no one truly understands why I am the way I am but sometimes you want someone to just be a friend nothing more nothing less. No alterior motive nothing just be there.

One major thing thats been bugging lately me is the fact that everyone is blogging about their issues instead of actually talking. I mean really we sneak dissing in blogs and shyt....SOOO NOT COOL! But I guess I'll jump on the bandwagon. I truly hate how Rick and I are turning out, but he doesn't want to see tha cuz he's to busy running off at the mouth about...ME and his issues. News Flash u are just pushing me further away. I mean just let nature take its course, don't force it. As far as everyone else in the broseph crew...

T.y.- Dude you will always be chocolate drop(along with brit and baby chocolate drop) I love you to death, even though you wrote that foul blog.

Egmyster- All I can say is wtf happened... One word =*****

Chris- ?????

Rick- had to come back to you. Calm down and we both need to stop with the bs, forreal. Time waits for no man.

Anywho I'm done dor now no proof read nun cuz I'm tired and being summoned!

~Ellez~