Just watch!

Mmmm Chile... I will get this man pregnant!



Enjoy!

My mind is....

Deeper than the deepest ocean...

This morning I'm up thinking about my life and those in it, as well as the things that have happened in 09. There were many good times and a few bad but overall this was a year of learning experiences and a finding of self. Rick and I had our ups and downs and he is currently at a place where neither him nor I want him to be, nonetheless, I am at a point where I understand that I cannot live for anyone but me and my sanity comes first.

Another moment of reflection is how my friend circle has drastically changed for the better and smaller. Oddly allowing me to enjoy my own company and thoughts. Plus I have the courage to step out the box as far as men go and venture to the man of maturity and stability. For those that know me... It is sooooo good to talk to some one that is of their own.

Now to the most important reflection before my sleepy self drifts off... Lol!

Me!... Duh! There is so much that has changed and still changing within this woman. I am so proud of some of the things I picked up over time and some things well... Not so much, but all in all I am blessed to be me and no one else! From the crazy curls growing from my head to the the bottom of my sneaker and heel wearing feet! If there is anything this year has taught me... It was that my life belongs to me so why not live it like it is! So in the year(s) to come you will see more of this beautifully flawed and divine woman shine and grow, hopefully we all enjoy the ride!

Well that's all for now I guess I will hit yall at a later time cuz a chica is madd tired!


Sooo peace, love, and positive soul vibrations!
*Rae*
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Say yes...

Well hello to all my blog readers out there! It is now the end of the worst... A.k.a holidays. Lol!

Like some of you out there my Christmas was just a real chill christmas, nothing major and no big hoopla to be told it was just a usual dinner and family time. I invited my ex over in hopes that he would feel a tad bit better about his situation and also because I do care about him. Sadly he managed to make me feel as crappy as he by the time he left. None the less there was no love lost just a lil re- evaluation in order. Sometimes I wonder why I continue this nerve racking cycle and my only answer is because I have a heart and I hate to see people assed out. Sadly for him my patience is running thin... Not because of his situation but the way he reacts to it and the way he acts towards me. Maybe he will understand, but more than likely not. This will only be another sprinkle of words for him to throw back at me and by then I may not even care any more. Anywho on to bigger and better!

Love yall!

*Rae*
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Grrr....

Man I am madd snapping...
Why I dunno I'm just tired and a lil confused internally.
Like my patience is a lil thin with the fact a particular person feels the need to hide me from his people, but I am catching hell cuz I refuse to hide him.
Also the whole thing is a mess... I love him, but at the same time he is moving to fast like dude picking up where we left off is not going to be that damn easy. Hmm If he only knew the source of my irritation is confusion he would not be so...Umm well I dunno. Either way it goes I feel like he will take this all the wrong way.. Hmm God I hope not.

At your best and worst u are love

Well lemme say this year has been one hell of a year! Sadly today of all days was the day I broke down. So I was watching a show I usually stay away from, Intervention. It made me face a painful truth. That so many people die from their addictions and it always hurts the family the most. I dunno about my brother and sister but I am truly still fucked up about my fathers death. I never thought I would be so hurt, but I am still. I wish it was he that was seeking the intervention and making it. Not me sitting here putting on the poker face as if all is well. Man there was so much I needed to know from him!

Then to top it of yesterday was the day my Grandmother died. Now most people are like wow that's Grandma but me... No that was my best friend and worst enemy. She is the main reason I am as great and as fucked up as I am. It hurts to recall such good memories and have to acknowledge the bad ones as well. I am just feeling the pain right now cuz she and I were on bad terms when she died and I truly hate that. I loved her to death but she had so many issues to deal with that we clashed. I miss her soooo much though. If only I could have told her I'm sorry and I love her for one last time....

Hell this is why I hate the holidays they make me face some of the worst shit in life... Well I'm off to bed yet again. No worries I'm still in my state of Divinity just remembering how I got here is just painful sometimes.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Wreckless and Confused

I can only wonder wat this act has led us to being. No matter what happens we are drawn to each other. My mind enjoys his company but my heart is torn between what was and what is. Where does this leave us?

His people no longer care for me and mine no longer care for him but we oddly have a love stronger than diamonds. He is my twin no matter how I deny him but really am I ready to step up and be the foundation in his unstable world? Can I be the shero I once was to him? I just wonder. All in all we are back at this game of love and life... Hopefully we win this time.

*Rae*
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Changes

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Look at me now, Daddy!

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Happy Birthday Daddy

Happy birthday Daddy! Your daughter is grown and still growing. She is beautiful and healthy, she made some mistakes and bad choices but nothing love and time can't heal. I wanna say that I am living up to my fullest potential, but I'm not as of now. Indeed that will soon change.

Daddy there is soo much to tell... Like how me and that boy are no longer together nor talking. Lol! It was a good run, but even you could have seen he wasn't the one for me.

Oh... And I'm following my heart and attempting music again. So that makes two of us Niki and I. Lol! Sometimes I think about you when I see people on the street and then I get an empty feeling in my heart... I want soo badly for you to be here so Granny can stop being sad every holiday and so Aunty can have one less thing to be stressed about...

I know it seems selfish but why did you have to leave me so soon. There was so much I needed to know from you and now I will never know... Its ok I will continue to push on the best I can hoping and praying that it is the right way to go...

Love Always your baby girl
*Rae*

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Ok... People new moves

Wassup to all my good followers...
I have decided to change the direction of my blogs, which means new place.
I dunno if I'm going to delete this, make it a vent blog or just let it be abandoned...
So here is the link to the new and enjoy.

http://www.soulamazingrae.blogspot.com/

~Rae~

Well I guess she thought she told me, Huh? *Smirk*

First off Imma roll one tonight for your sorrows... Lmao!

So I come back to the crib to find words dedicated to my likeness... How wonderful!
Nonetheless... It does nothing for me, its gives me no life at all.
So Imma just go in...

First off, for you to go in about me being fake, I told before and again being the bitch is my full time job. So for you to think I would actually be real about all that hang shyt... Gurl bye we don't even like the same shyt except for nigga's and he wasn't even my usual so not even a nigga.

Second... If you thought I was serious about a job...Nigga please its fairlane; I don't do the whole servant shit.

Third the number was for you to be smart enough to match that shyt up... Cuz he was getting at ya girl when you though he didn't.

Next state of the mind address... If you think Imma come at you for Rick... You's a fool! My beef is not with you, but if you just so happen to jump in go 'head.
Have fun!
Cuz I won't be there!
Also if you think that I truly am envious of you, your bat shit crazy!

Maybe you are just as bad a bitch as heard you were and maybe you can pull a Chris Brown and transform his ass. Since gloves are off he ain't shit with out those that make him the shit so baby shine all your self all through him.

Lemme remind you that I'm a performing arts major...
Which means Bitch I act...Out! Lmao!
So Imma wrap this up since you work hard for your shyt and well I just live...

Just remember that Imma be and do me always just know if he come round here again for anything... He will get sent back, no take backs on that one...

HA!

I don't want ya boyfriend... I just want him not.
Ummm... breathing!
Lmao!
Just kidding!

*Rae still at it... but I will soon retire*

All smiles

Yesterday/Last night was amazing! I went out with my Cool Crew ( Dawny and Keeny). We hit up Cliffs Bells , a lil poetry spot downtown and had a ball! Hell I even got to spit one of my poems! Not to mention a chick was sipping nicely! Man the love I felt on that stage and the feelings I felt from that music brought me back to the place of peace I hadn't been in a loooooooonnnnnnngggggg time. I mean as I'm sitting there chilling my mind starts to think like would I even have been able to do this a year ago... Let alone would I even have the mind set I have now, a year ago. Hmmm hell no! There are so many things that were heavy on my mind and heart at that time, as well as the fact I clung on to the wrong people for the wrong things. Hell I wanted so badly to stay mad at Rick but after the truths I spilled to her and the thinking I did soon after... I came to realize knowing him was a learning experience. Do I feel he used me? Yes, not like Paris tried to but... Yes. See in my mind this shyt is a cycle... He and I had our time and now its time for us to go on. I feel as though I walked away from sooo many things this past year that made me soo much stronger. I'm glad I'm without him cuz now I know how to love just a lil bit smarter. To the woman after me I hope you get hip to the game cuz its same script different cast. Loving someone has a price that many aren't willing to pay. Some men and women prey on the fact that people some times need people. So all in all a few drinks and a change in atmosphere can uncloud judgment and truly give new insight to ones life.

*Peace, Love & Wisdom shall prevail. I am a work in progress and some are a work in thought...*

*Rae*
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Shoot where was he when I needed it...

Hmmm Chile...




Let's get over it!

*Rae*

It keeps me going day to day!

Enjoy!




A bit of positive energy from Rae!

Never in a million years

Listen here bruh ain't no words cuz you wanna try and play games and shyt. If you were really trying to be friends you wouldn't have displayed the actions you did and if those actions weren't SINCERE then you were playing around, either way you fucked up not me. I was keeping it friendly you threw the wrench in the game not I . I had words and as u say actions mean more. And simply your actions meant more than one thing. All in all leave me out of this game I finally got over u and I plan to keep it that way!

*Rae*
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

See this is why being single is my life...

I want so badly to find you and spit in your fucking face for the bullshyt you bring me. I should have never had any damn sympathy for you cuz all you do is play a game and damn it you are damned good at.
I could have told her so much more, but part of me held back. I should have told her how you offered so much info on her personal life and I probably would have found out you did the same when it came to me. I'm past the point of being hurt when it comes to you, I'm to the point where you and I are truly beefed out.
Like Dude I have nothing but pure and simple disdain and pity for you because you took the fact I actually cared about you and used it against me. Shyt... fuck what everybody else has to say and feel about me according to you.
Shyt lowkey I don't even think you deserve to be in any relationship. You are such a fucking sneaky son of a bitch. I'm sure after this is posted you won't be man enough to even say anything to me directly, let alone tell me the truth. I was proud of you at some point till I saw things really were that week.

The reason I was skeptical about you and I ever being cuz I saw that nothing was different for you except the person you were waking up to. Lmao! To think I actually thought about try to help you and make it work. Fuck that... Oh and Fuck you!
If I didn't say it before.
So many things are running thru my mind... The fact I was almost tied with you for ever... Humph ! The fact that we were like twins !! Well hell, Imma act like you were the one that died at birth and make you a forgotten memory. Then for you to be all in my muthafucking face telling me you were gonna play her and still see me was just beyond. See that right there was what alerted me to the fact you were up to some damn bullshit! I have soo much I wanna say I mean sooooooooooooo much but I'm just gon go have a drank and try to forget this mess...


~Rae needs a drank~

Wow so over it.

No extra words I'm just over it. You can dress up your words and tell me watever I wanna hear but bottom line is I'm no longer listening. No I'm not gon be here when she breaks your heart... No I'm not gon stand in the shadows anymore for you. Quite honestly I think my heart let go of you before my mind did. Are we cool? Yea when you not kissing ass but shyt any other time not! So I suggest you get hip and know you lost me for good. I am obviously only good for being your friend from a distance. So go home to her, be in her world cuz you are not strong enough to make it in mine!

*Rae*
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Thoughts

So I'm laying here in the bed thinking about all that has happened lately. Honestly I'm glad this heartache is starting to heal cuz going through it is soooo hard. Don't get me wrong I love him but I'm starting to come from under the cloud love has put me under. I mean maybe it is best he stick with her since that is who and where he continues to run to. He thinks I don't know that he went back to his normal life with her but oh well. I'm living my life day to day without him seeing and doing things I never thought I would. Lol! Well that's all for now I'm off to bed.

*peace and blessing*

Rae
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

I'm ok!

Sorry I been gone for a min. Its all because of my 21 ness and my ability to go random great places! Lol! All is well in my world and I'm settling back in my single groove after the ex hit me with the wham a few weeks back. I don't have much to say about that situation except hmmm I wish he and I could work out some things. Well all in all I'm out this bitch sleep is calling me!

Rae
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®