My sunny morning

So today I woke up and picked up the pieces of my life/heart and put on my pretend mask. The reason being is cuz I have to go to class today... Luckily I am hitting the gym to work out this stress building in my soul. Thank God for non- destructive outlets for stress cuz surely I don't wanna go down the path my mother went and definitely not the path my father went down. I know I keep mentioning my father but I will elab on a later date or time. Other than that I'm still in this feeling of solitary bliss. Anywho I'm out cuz a nigga got class!

~Rae~
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The bottom looking up

So as I lay here remembering the happy times of the past. I realize that I would be so much more at peace but at the same time they were some of my most difficult. See back then all I could do was give people my heart and my soul... Then I decided to give the one I let get my heart, my body as well.

From there it has been a down hill battle. Sadly as I sit here almost 4 years later... I realize I'm still not over the pain he caused and then like a fool I allowed others to add more pain on top of that. I sit here every night crying out this pain cuz I feel like I'm at the bottom looking up. I look back at the fact I let go of my true love(that is now loving someone else) and it hurts even more to know that everyday I'm slipping closer and closer to the point that I will need anti-depressants again. I surely don't want that!

My world is still crumbling and it makes it no better that I will be 21 without my father. For some reason this is hitting me harder than I ever expected. Damn its looking like I lose every man in my life or is it they never belonged to me in the first place?

~Sad Rae~
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Still gotta tude!

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Neno is gone and so is a piece of me.

So my dog Neno is gone and I'm heartbroken yet again. I want so badly to be able to cry into his fur about this bad day I'm having but I guess even he had to leave me. Oh and my chocolate redemption almost had me fooled but he was a heartbreaker too. I guess I should just turn completely cold but I can't I miss the feeling of like/love blossoming I just wish it came from both ends. Man the month is the worst month for me with all the ups and downs not to mention I have no one to spill to but my blog, in hopes that there is solace in me getting this out of my mind and heart.

Love is nothing more than a mirage in my desert of life...

~Rae~
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I might have been wrong

So we sitting here chilling and I realize that my ass jumps to conclusions to quick. All in all he still my chocolate redemption . Loving it none the less. Hit yall later!


~Rae~
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Damn really?

So like I said it was to good to be true. My chocolate redemption is nothing but a mere fantasy. I guess he was a reminder of sorts that I can still feel feelings of love or those like it. Although I'm taking an L on him being in my future, I am winning because its just another situation the keeps me even more grounded and commited to the betterment of myself.

So other than that my day went well and I pushed myself extra hard in the gym. Its like the pain and tight feeling is a welcomed one in comparison to the pain I been feeling from my past and from my family. Hmmm what to do?

~Rae~
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

True Love.

As I'm laying here listening to Alicia Keys "No One", I notice I am missing the feelings that this song is talking about. I miss the feeling of being taken over by love and happy thoughts. Not to mention the feelings you get when you know the one you're loving feels the exact same way.

Often times we as people settle for someone who isn't truly for us and miss out on the one who is . I wonder if that's why I am missing out on that feeling above mention.

~Rae~
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Too good to be true...

There is a reason why I am not all to into the guy I spoke of as of recent. Simply because I at times feel like the feelings are to good to be true. Damn I dunno wat to say about this...
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