better?

Today is brighter than the last few... So time for a song!
Lol!
Enjoy!

Fuck my life...

ARGHHHH!!!

Fuck my life!
I want the simple life back!

So after all of the betterment I'm trying to do in my world, I'm still getting all types of pain. I guess in the famous words of my besti, Yanni, "Karma is a bitch and she will fuck you so good, then wait a few weeks and find out you got herpes..." So basically thats my life minus the herpes. I mean I understand you get what you put out, but right now I can't take it. Like on the inside people don't know how close I really am to that edge... I want so badly for my life to fall back in place like I though it was not to far back, but hell we all cant have what we want.

I want for my so called boyfriend and I to not keep going back and forth. At this point he and I are a dangerous love affair. It seems carelessness fuckin' rules the whole thing between us; I hate it more than anything else. I'm tired of us arguing and then making up only to find out another chick he is cheating on me with is some how stalking my life cuz she feels like I'm stepping on her territory when its really the other way around. As well as I'm tired of it being so common that part of me doesn't even care cuz my feelings are just getting tired of this cat and mouse game.

Honestly I need to let this go cuz its just all bad, but the false sense of security is better than being knowing you have no security at all.I really hate admitting my flaws but I'm learning to do this more and more everyday. I'm mean on the outside all seems well so I plan to keep it that way till I can find out whats going on with me on the inside. Lawd knows I can't take this cold empty feeling that I am not actually living my life... I'm just a stand in till the real me comes back.


Anywho on a lighter note. I talked to a dearly painful part of my past( No dis), and I only felt it right to truly aim on a friendship cuz he was a good friend point blank and period. Nonetheless I don't want anything more than that simply because my life is just not on that path. Plus its good to see everybody getting the better side of life and I honestly hope it lasts as long as the world turns and the sunshine's. So hopefully tomorrow comes a bit faster so I can do some major retail therapy and cop these Dunks I been eying and the lovely 10 Deep jacket I want, cuz hell the kid may be going through it, but Imma go through it flyy as fuck. Plus it pays to know people in the fashion/skater/urban soul scene...Lmao!

Well thats all for now folks...I'm out!
Ellz tha pSyChO <<<>

So were all mixed...

Ok so here is a random question.
I hope I get answers...

Why is it a big deal if Mrs. Michelle Obama has a few white ancestors?

I mean really how many people of color don't. I can look so close as my grandfather and cousins to see the white side of me.

Is that a big deal?

No!

So why is there so much hooplah about black folks having a mixed genealogy? I mean, hell, shyt happens. Some of us maybe were violated as slaves and some of us had a love affair with the lighter side of life either way it goes.

This is America the land of the free and free to hide.

So why are we acting like every time something from the past past comes back it unbelievable? Trust me honey it's not.

Random quotes that I made... Thanks to facebook.

Here are a few quotes that really show what I'm thinking at times:

In Rae's Mind...

"is there is no greater love than the love God gave you to have for self..."

"is letting everyone know that you can't put a price on a person and don't let new age laws make us new age slaves..."

"is saying yet again the company we keep and the secrets we can't hide can surely lead to a final demise... Maybe this here has expired?"

"is feeling melodic notes grace across her thighs making amazing music that only his ears can hear. The air tastes of love only time has experienced..."


"wants to feel that giddy feeling of love... If only for one small portion of my life."

"jammin' to John Mayer...Like why does his voice remind me of fresh lemonade and country summer love..."

"is I thought i told that i wont stop...Hah...HAH!!! Yes and sadly even friends throw salt on ya game but its cool cuz in life you need a lil seasoning."

"is play wit an octopus clitoris in bikini bottom so sponge on that, Bob!!!!"
(LMAO!)

"I lay my heart down to love, but it weathered storms of sorrow before love could save it...."

"is nowhere to be found... Looking at life for what it really is. And I can no longer pretend or suppress these feelings so I am being honest with everyone."

"is contemplating a change to maintain sanity and break the binds of gravity. Looking proudly to the heavens and screaming my last prayers to the Gods that so graciously allow me my next breath. The breath that allows death to cower asunder a rock hoping..."

"has closed a chapter in her life... Am i happy about it? No, but i damn sure ain't sad. Love is simply not how it used to be."

"is like I see when the tables turn and the spotlight isn't on you its cool... Well I no longer will be part of this Minstrel Show... Simply cuz I never was good at being a tap dancing, painted face, shucking and jiving ass nigga"

"is knowing today is the day... Tears flowed like sorrow filled rivers, making everything a lil greener the next day..."

"is watching Mo' Better Blues wishing she had a lil mo better love experiences..."

"is like I'm gay!!!...No, Bitch you gay!!! Oh yea and I fucked ya man, too...So how gay is that! Lmao!!"

"is If everbody fuckin dimes, then who got all these ugly bitches pregnant?"

Well thats all for now cuz I was bored, but now I'm sleepy...
So Goodnight!
Rae

Making it work: Love in the club.

When it's late... I'm usually thinking.
Well today is different...
I went to see the significant other and we are back to this love experience.
For now.
So as I'm chilling with his Fam and such his child's mother is there and honestly she was not what I expected but none the less I am beating her all around. Lol!
Then some gurl that he can't put a direct definition to, walks in the door to trys to "piss" on her "territory" by stating who she was and trying to flirt with him in front of me, as if that is going to make me lose my cool.
Ha! Not!
So I'm sitting there planning on what the rest of my night will play out as, not paying her ass attention. Little does she know that I can take him or leave him, and he will still want me.

Anywhoo... So I end up at the club jamming and such.
Lol @ the foolery that goes on in the club. Nonetheless it was fun!
~Forgive the impropers... Im kindaout of it and tired~
So the end for now.


~Sleepy Ellez~

Testing

I wonder if this works?
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Back down memory lane...ohh and what a memory.

Wassup yall out there in blog land?!?!?!
So yesterday I didn't have much to say...
Hmm...
Chile....
I got plenty to say today!

So I just get off the phone with a friend of mine from high school, right? Man we were talking and chopping it up like we were back to being the way were were in high school except this time I had questions and he had answers...Lmao!
Mind you he randomly called me at 3 something in the A.M. Hell I don't mind cuz most times I'm up anyways.
Umph!
But today I was not expecting this call.
Thank God he doesn't read my blog cuz he would get a whole new view of me and my mind.
Anywho... Back to the point!
He and I were talking, and it was soooo good to be talking to someone that knew me before all the baggage was added. Hell, the fact he liked me at a time when I didn't even like myself made me feel even damn better.

Even still a few things popped in my head like:

Does he know how damned gorgeous he is?
(Maybe not?)

I wonder what that *Ahem* be like...
(Ooooo tall chocolate body of a God having ass man with the East Coast accent...MMMMmmm... Stop!!!)

How is he still so humble despite all the thing about him that would make him sooo conceited?
( The thing that makes him even greater cuz even with out the looks he is too damn cool...Lol!)

Lastly... Why is it to this day he will always be one of the coolest and truest friends I have ever had even though we don't hang tough nor live anywhere near each other?
(Because he just reminds me of the better and happier side of life...)

Beside all that, man, just everything about my world seemed to suck today until a call from a good ole' friend. Its amazing what friends can do!



Thanks Rob!

Sickness and poetry

Hello all you blog readers in Blogland!
I truly have no biz being up, but this here cold is kicking my ass!!!
I wish I had a million things to blog about, but I don't. Simply because not to much has happened just school, sleep, drinking, and blowing a few trees every now and again.
Nuthing major, right?
My point exactly.
Lol!
Well Imma finish this later cuz I think I'm bout to get some midnight pussy talk...
Lmao!
HAAA!

p.s. No B.F. Free at last... free at last!!