The bottom looking up

So as I lay here remembering the happy times of the past. I realize that I would be so much more at peace but at the same time they were some of my most difficult. See back then all I could do was give people my heart and my soul... Then I decided to give the one I let get my heart, my body as well.

From there it has been a down hill battle. Sadly as I sit here almost 4 years later... I realize I'm still not over the pain he caused and then like a fool I allowed others to add more pain on top of that. I sit here every night crying out this pain cuz I feel like I'm at the bottom looking up. I look back at the fact I let go of my true love(that is now loving someone else) and it hurts even more to know that everyday I'm slipping closer and closer to the point that I will need anti-depressants again. I surely don't want that!

My world is still crumbling and it makes it no better that I will be 21 without my father. For some reason this is hitting me harder than I ever expected. Damn its looking like I lose every man in my life or is it they never belonged to me in the first place?

~Sad Rae~
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