Fuck my life...

ARGHHHH!!!

Fuck my life!
I want the simple life back!

So after all of the betterment I'm trying to do in my world, I'm still getting all types of pain. I guess in the famous words of my besti, Yanni, "Karma is a bitch and she will fuck you so good, then wait a few weeks and find out you got herpes..." So basically thats my life minus the herpes. I mean I understand you get what you put out, but right now I can't take it. Like on the inside people don't know how close I really am to that edge... I want so badly for my life to fall back in place like I though it was not to far back, but hell we all cant have what we want.

I want for my so called boyfriend and I to not keep going back and forth. At this point he and I are a dangerous love affair. It seems carelessness fuckin' rules the whole thing between us; I hate it more than anything else. I'm tired of us arguing and then making up only to find out another chick he is cheating on me with is some how stalking my life cuz she feels like I'm stepping on her territory when its really the other way around. As well as I'm tired of it being so common that part of me doesn't even care cuz my feelings are just getting tired of this cat and mouse game.

Honestly I need to let this go cuz its just all bad, but the false sense of security is better than being knowing you have no security at all.I really hate admitting my flaws but I'm learning to do this more and more everyday. I'm mean on the outside all seems well so I plan to keep it that way till I can find out whats going on with me on the inside. Lawd knows I can't take this cold empty feeling that I am not actually living my life... I'm just a stand in till the real me comes back.


Anywho on a lighter note. I talked to a dearly painful part of my past( No dis), and I only felt it right to truly aim on a friendship cuz he was a good friend point blank and period. Nonetheless I don't want anything more than that simply because my life is just not on that path. Plus its good to see everybody getting the better side of life and I honestly hope it lasts as long as the world turns and the sunshine's. So hopefully tomorrow comes a bit faster so I can do some major retail therapy and cop these Dunks I been eying and the lovely 10 Deep jacket I want, cuz hell the kid may be going through it, but Imma go through it flyy as fuck. Plus it pays to know people in the fashion/skater/urban soul scene...Lmao!

Well thats all for now folks...I'm out!
Ellz tha pSyChO <<<>