Amazing

Today was a good ass day!!!!
I hung out with my buddy Keenan and just chilled on some "the rest of the world don't matter type shyt." He and I talked about so much shyt thats been going on in my mind and world. I mean no one truly understands why I am the way I am but sometimes you want someone to just be a friend nothing more nothing less. No alterior motive nothing just be there.

One major thing thats been bugging lately me is the fact that everyone is blogging about their issues instead of actually talking. I mean really we sneak dissing in blogs and shyt....SOOO NOT COOL! But I guess I'll jump on the bandwagon. I truly hate how Rick and I are turning out, but he doesn't want to see tha cuz he's to busy running off at the mouth about...ME and his issues. News Flash u are just pushing me further away. I mean just let nature take its course, don't force it. As far as everyone else in the broseph crew...

T.y.- Dude you will always be chocolate drop(along with brit and baby chocolate drop) I love you to death, even though you wrote that foul blog.

Egmyster- All I can say is wtf happened... One word =*****

Chris- ?????

Rick- had to come back to you. Calm down and we both need to stop with the bs, forreal. Time waits for no man.

Anywho I'm done dor now no proof read nun cuz I'm tired and being summoned!

~Ellez~

Leave me the hell alone

Bitter words stain my mouth as foul thoughts exit my mind. I am the anger of a thousand Katrina victims in a pinto. Mentally and emotionally I am cramped, no other words to express the pent up aggression in my world. I smile and move on and try to hide the hatred for people. Sadly I don’t think I like anyone but I love those I love and that’s all that matters. I’m just in need of a vent cuz like a volcano I’m bout to blow. If I hear another thing about how my choices make you unhappy or about how I have a bad attitude I’m going to show people about a damn attitude. Also please do check me about how me and certain people don’t associate. Hell ask the asshole that I ain’t associating with! No I will not apologize for being me cuz hell I ain’t sorry. Honestly I just would like it if some of you muthafuckas would disappear for about a month or so and maybe I won’t be so damn mean.

brain fart

Man so much is going on right now, I can't even grasp it firmly.
Like really school was a fucking flop for this semester and I can't even say its not my fault, cuz it is. My relationship is in disarray, and low key the more he gives me attitude the further he pushes me away. Like honestly the whole relationship thing with anyone right now is a sour ass taste to my life. I have come to the realization that I do love him just not in the way or at the time he wants me to. I know that sounds extremely selfish but why do I have to continue to make my self unhappy to keep someone else happy. When I suggested we take time to focus on self and whats needed he decides to not like that. Like dude who gets mad cuz you wanna focus on whats important. There our things in my life that I need to figure out and work out alone...PERIOD!

Anywhooo....

Now I'm trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to make school happen for me again next semester. What am i going to pursue and am I going to continue with the psychology tip. Hell what am I to do???!?!?!?!

Whoo Chile!

There are times when I sit back and think that I need some hot, steamy, romance in my life. Like I would just love for some fine, educated and humble brotha would come and take me on. Then I snap to reality and realize that the road I'm leading on will not bring him into my life. Thats when I snap back into reality and continue to settle for less.

~Ellez~

He and I

The tears rolling down my face like the cold raindrops outside my window.I've had 2 cigarettes since our convo and we have gotten no where. Its amazing how I was his nowandforever, now I don't even know where we stand. Honestly, I don't know how to love him, but sumwhere inside me I know I do. There is no sun in this life of my as of now. I am learning that in this relationship world there is so much joy, yet so much pain. Just telling him to leave hurts me deeply. But where do you draw the like between you and him? You just want him to feel loved but how can you love him if you are losing love for yourself...

To be continued...

Patience is wearing thin

Hello Blog World!
Hell I don't know where to start, so lemme just jump till it all comes together. First and foremost my bestfriend is moving in and im am excited and nervous, but very sure that all is well and will be productive. With that said there are a few people that are grinding my gears as of late, My mother and my boyfriend. It seems that no matter what I do or they do, they always seems to piss me the fuck off. I love them dearly, but they just aggravate the fuck out of me. Maybe its not them but me and my own attitudes. Hell whatever it is its driving me insane...
None the less I keeps on pushing!
Thats all for now.
~Ellez~

School

Wassup all you random blog readers!
Well today I'm here to speak on failure and success!
Most don't know this about me, but for me to be so smart I am soooo having a hard time with school! At times I think it can be because I'm lazy and at other times I think not so much...Who knows? To say the least I know I have been sorta lackadaisical when it has come to college this year and truly it bothers me, but the semester is almost over and this year will not be in vain. Simply because now I know how this whole college thing works and such. So I'm not all that bummed to say the least.

Anywho... On another note, I can't wait for it to start getting spring/summery around here because Detroit is absolutely depressing in the winter time...Or all the time. Lol! I mean in the summer time Detroit feels almost like a dream. When I was little, I truly loved being in the city now I'm just doing what is needed for me to leave.

Well enough of my ranting and raving.
I bid you all a farewell!

~Ellez~

Love and Life

As of recently i have been in the most interesting relationship...
It has caused me to see my own flaws and definitely hate what I see in others some times. Most time we get along but as of lately I don't really thinks so... Hmmm Well maybe these poems can sum it up better than I can.

FACELESS HERO

I saved you from yourself and you never even thanked me.
Its ok cuz you never even knew you were in danger.
I loved you from a distance and watched you grow, making my self the faceless hero.
I was there for you at your best and worst moments lurking in the expected breaths you took for granted.
I have waited my whole life for you to embrace me and you never did.
I was the driving force that helped you get through college.
I was the poise that landed you the job you dreamed.
Yet still I remained nameless.
I was the man you let go, the child you aborted, and the angel that held your hand when you made the careless decisions.
I was the warning you got when you saw the one you loved in the casket.
So when will you acknowledge me?
What will it take for you to put a face to me?
Do i have to take the things you hold dear?
Yes!
This faceless hero has made a name for him self all thru your life, but now you will know me as...
Death,
Life,
Time,
and Love....

the faceless hero.




Sweet things turn sour pt.2

We are not who we believe we are...
I love you but at times I don't like you.
My mouth spits poison that even you thought you were immune to but eventually it got to you. My tears are liquid acid burning holes thru your heart, yet you dont understand why I denied you.
I was not to make self better it was to save you.
I am nor will I ever be a dream girl but a nightmare seeking your soul.
I was once the angel you needed, but onec my soul was taken I too became a dream thief.
No! It was not by choice but by force.You don't know cold this world is and I would have frozen to death if I had not adapted. So please forgive me for not being what you needed but what you despised and this what happens when sweet things turn sour.
I'm Sorry...
Ladi Elle