So...
I was sitting up watching juno, and it brought back a memory that made me feel ever so sad. I remember a time when Rick and I had this thing for having a child and where so hurt when we found out I wasn't pregnant. Little does he know that the situation hurt me more than I cared to share at the time. The fact that he is going thru hell hurts me to no end, but I can't show him that. I mean really there are some aspects of our relationship that I'm not feeling anymore, but the love is there. Truly I do feel as though I bailed on him but honestly I never knew his world would come crashing down as I walked out the door.
~*~
To see his blogs and understand the pain he is going through is truly something I can't stomach to well. Its like I want to be so close to him, but so far so I won't get hurt. Like honestly I let this man into my heart and my life despite the issues we have, along with the problems his peeps have with me. He and I are at ends a lot but somehow have this crazy bond that keeps us in arms reach of each other. He will always be my best friend and honestly one of my one true loves. Its just I have a hard time with letting my self love and heal. Which is why I continue to push people away. There is a lot of things I keep in and chose to not deal with or talk about, which is madd unhealthy but nun the less a vice I must deal with.
~*~
Even today I have to live with the regret of yesterday.
There is no way for me to take back the foul words I have said to those I love... No way to avenge revenge on the ones I don't care for. There is just a feeling of revelation in the air that makes me think and feel different towards life in general.
~*~ Ellez~*~
I was sitting up watching juno, and it brought back a memory that made me feel ever so sad. I remember a time when Rick and I had this thing for having a child and where so hurt when we found out I wasn't pregnant. Little does he know that the situation hurt me more than I cared to share at the time. The fact that he is going thru hell hurts me to no end, but I can't show him that. I mean really there are some aspects of our relationship that I'm not feeling anymore, but the love is there. Truly I do feel as though I bailed on him but honestly I never knew his world would come crashing down as I walked out the door.
~*~
To see his blogs and understand the pain he is going through is truly something I can't stomach to well. Its like I want to be so close to him, but so far so I won't get hurt. Like honestly I let this man into my heart and my life despite the issues we have, along with the problems his peeps have with me. He and I are at ends a lot but somehow have this crazy bond that keeps us in arms reach of each other. He will always be my best friend and honestly one of my one true loves. Its just I have a hard time with letting my self love and heal. Which is why I continue to push people away. There is a lot of things I keep in and chose to not deal with or talk about, which is madd unhealthy but nun the less a vice I must deal with.
~*~
Even today I have to live with the regret of yesterday.
There is no way for me to take back the foul words I have said to those I love... No way to avenge revenge on the ones I don't care for. There is just a feeling of revelation in the air that makes me think and feel different towards life in general.
~*~ Ellez~*~
1 Speak Yo mind's I might listen...:
You know what, thats real talk coming from a woman...it takes alot to share that with the world...I enjoyed reading it!
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